𝕆𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕠𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕤𝕚𝕕𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕒𝕟 𝕦𝕡𝕘𝕣𝕒𝕕𝕖...
I wrote a social media post yesterday called “What do you do?” And in it I wrote this beautiful vision of helping people reclaim wellness sovereignty, self-love and personal power blah, bah, blah –
It’s not true…
Not any more.
Lesson from the earth #1
“The wisdom will come in the being not the doing.”
I went out into nature yesterday and as she always does she had some things to teach me.
I was trying to work it out… What do I need to do? What’s my next step? How do I make this work??
“The wisdom will come in the being not the doing.” The words popped into my head.
“Yes but…” I argued.
“The wisdom will come in the being not the doing.” The words came again, more firmly this time.
I’ve been around long enough now and have heard enough inner guidance / earth teachings / universal insights to know when to shut up now and this was one of those times.
So, I just walked and started to pay attention to the feeling of the grass caressing my bare feet, (it was delicious), to the sun glinting off dark green leaves (it was mesmerising) and to the sound of the flowing creek (it was delightful).
As I wandered fairly aimlessly, I came to an old stone weir that had drastically changed since the last time I had been there. The big, smooth, rectangular spaciously positioned stepping stones had been filled in with ordinary, grey basalt so anyone could walk across without much trouble.
The grassy bank had been cleared and smoothed leaving exposed soil and an industrial lifelessness and the giant fallen tree that had blocked the wild path that led into the forest on the other side had been pushed aside with a dozer making the forest accessible to almost anyone.
Earlier versions of me would have been saddened by the industrial carnage but appreciated that the wild spaces could now be more readily accessed... but not this version of me.
Lesson #2 – Commitment and challenge make life worth it.
The process of making it accessible had made it ordinary.
Previously to get across the weir required a small level of commitment, now almost anyone can do it.
Previously to get into the wild forest on the other side one had to decide to put in the energy to climb over a large fallen tree, scramble along it a bit and shimmy down the other side into tall grass that almost certainly hid snakes, spiders and other such creatures at various times. Now anyone can get in there without much trouble or concern.
In the current uber-PC climate this is probably going to be celebrated. "Yay, beautiful, wild spaces are now available to more people!"
Except for this, when things become easy and anyone can do it that thing is no longer special. It becomes ordinary and we lose regard for them.
When anyone can access beautiful spaces they trash it with rubbish… Anyone can get there and so no-one cares. It loses its meaning and its wild specialness.
This is the same for so many areas in life.
We value what we have to work for and invest ourselves in. We come alive when we are tested and there are no guarantees of what’s on the other side. We hold those experiences in high regard because they required some level of effort, commitment and risk. When the effort, commitment and risk are removed so anyone can do it, it’s no longer special, its ordinary and the magic is lost.
Life becomes one great, meaningless participation award. (My kids take great delight in tearing up participation awards.) This leaves us flat and depressed.
When life is too easy we become flat and depressed. We all crave, at some level, experiences, spaces, visions and connections that we have to work for yet our lives are full of easily accessible options and because the easy path is comfortable we often take it... this comes with the added bonus of then complaining about it.
There is a joy and appreciation that comes with testing, pushing, denying and challenging ourselves with conscious commitment. Life is more alive and juicy in this space.
So, I’m not an advocate for making everything accessible. I know there will be all the comments about people with differing physical abilities that couldn’t access it before and no can and how dare I suggest that they shouldn’t.
I know, I get it, at one time I would have argued that point too but the world is losing its special places at an alarming rate and we are losing the magick of what we find inside of ourselves in the risky, challenge of trying to find them too.
Just like the weir, now graded flat with grey, ordinary stones so our souls are being graded flat and grey with these lives that are no longer interesting, challenging or special.
That’s not the world I want to live in nor the life I want to lead, give me fallen trees, uneven ground and beautiful special spaces that I have to work to get to.
Lessons #3 I'll Be Fine & So Will You
As I continued to walk after my visit to the no not very special weir, I came to a place along the creek that requires just a little bit of curiosity and challenge to get to.
Here there are as number of big rocks making their way in an arc across the creek. The third rock is large enough for two people to comfortably sit and soak up the sunshine in the Canadian-esque environment. I go there often with my lover when we need to move through some big issues so we call it the Healing Rock. It’s very beautiful.
I had wondered previously about rock hopping to the other side but hadn’t tried it before. Now, as I stood at the edge, I realised that today was the day.
I knew I would have to get in the water at some point, the rocks are not close enough all the way across to stay dry, but the water didn’t look too deep or difficult to navigate and the idea of a small adventure was appealing.
I started out and just after passing the Healing Rock I had to get into the water steadying myself on the bigger rocks.
The water was not too deep but would get deeper as I crossed though I knew not how deep. I could see the tops of the big rocks jutting out of the creek but the water was dark enough so I could only see one and a half steps in front of me. I was at about the middle when I slipped on the algae covered stones.
I landed heavily smashing my right shin, left hip and lower right ribs on the rock in front of me.
“Uugh” I blurted as the air was knocked from my lungs.
I hurt. My shin and ribs especially.
I pulled myself to the next decent sized rock and heaved over onto my back.
I could feel my shin swelling and a shakiness in my legs.
I hoped no one had seen or heard me. I wanted to be on my own.
I started to cry. I was thinking to myself “Ah this is good, it’s been a really intense I time, a cry would be good." So I settled myself somewhat into the space of allowing myself to cry.
I sobbed twice.
Then I heard the voice… “Get up.”
“Get up and keep going.”
“But I hurt,” I was arguing with myself/the Universe/Earth… whatever.
I started to look at my leg, it was swollen and bleeding.
“Don’t look at it.” Said the voice.
“Don’t look at it, and don’t tell yourself it hurts. If you take away the thought that it hurts does it hurt anymore or is it just a collection of sensations?”
I took the word “hurt” out of my description and paid attention to the feelings. It was throbbing, pulsing, hot, tingly and shaky but it didn’t hurt.
“Get up and keep going.” Came the voice again.
So I rolled over, found my footing in the water and carefully made my way to the other side of the river.
I was wet, bleeding, swollen… and fine.
I was a bit shaky on my leg, but it didn’t hurt.
I was fine.
As I reached the bank I went to keep going, to just keep moving forward, but the voice stopped me.
“Turn around… Take a minute to look at where you just came from.”
I turned around and leant against a large rock on the bank.
I looked to the other side of the river remembering how I had stood there and decided that today I would cross the water that I and thought about crossing a number of times.
I made the decision on my own.
I took the steps on my own.
I walked out into the water on my own.
I had a fairly decent idea of how deep the water was but not fully.
I had a fairly decent idea what the bottom of the river would be like, but not fully.
I could see just enough to think crossing was a good idea and not stupidly risky but there were things under the water I couldn’t see not even when I was right on top of them and even though I had been careful I had slipped.
Out there in the middle of the water I had fallen and I was bruised and bleeding because of it.
Out there in the middle of the water, I was on my own, breathless and hurting, not totally sure that my leg was ok to walk on.
Out there on my own, I had gone to be with the process of emotional release and realised that it was not the time and I was actually fine. Sore and bruised but fine.
So I got up.
I got myself up.
I walked the rest of the way on ginger shaky legs.
And I was fine.
Leaning against the rock on the bank of the other side I focused on my leg for a moment. It was fine.
It only hurt when I told myself that I was injured, so I stopped saying that and I was fine.
I walked up the sandy bank, soaking wet, bruised, bleeding and... totally fine.
It was so worth it.
Looking at my shin with its new scar makes me happy. It’s a mark of just how fine I am.
It’s a reminder of how when we have a vision that we decide to follow we can only see bits of it. We can’t see what’s under the water until we are there and sometimes not even then.
We look out toward the opposite bank and we know we’ll have to pay attention but that we can probably make it if we commit to the process.
Then we are in the middle of the river, the shore we started on now out of our reach, the shore we are going to not yet close, the water deepens, we can’t see the bottom and we slip.
We slip, we fall, we hurt and in that moment we get to decide who we are going to be about it.
Some days it will be perfect to take a moment to lie there and cry before getting up again and some days we’ll need to say to ourselves “get up, keep going, you’re fine” and we will be.
But when we get to the other shore if we don’t stop for a moment and look back at where we’ve come from we’ll miss a lot of the magick.
Lesson #4 I'm Not For Everyone & Who I Am For...
I received many gifts from that river crossing about myself, and many gifts about life from the whole day but one of the biggest gifts was knowing that I’m not who I used to be.
The last 2 months has had me throw virtually everything in my life onto the fires of transformation for the sake of a vision. A vision that I really only have a vague sense of but that is revealing herself to me with each step I take.
It’s required an immense amount of courage and fortitude. It has been uncertain, terrifying and full of grief. It has also been revealing, honest and indescribably beautiful.
I am a different woman now, I have levelled up dramatically and in that process I have let go of who I used to serve.
I used to be here for everyone, wanting the whole world to become more aligned and healthy.
I used to hold my clients hands and encourage them every step of the way. I used to make it really easy.
But... if it’s easy, it’s not worth it and if it’s easy we don’t value it.
We value what we have to commit to, work for, struggle through and invest ourselves in.
Not everyone has a vision and that’s ok.
Not everyone will want to climb over the fallen trees, risk the snakes and walk into the wild places.
Not everyone will decide to cross the river.
And not everyone who starts to cross the river will continue once they fall and hurt themselves.
Not everyone will decide that continuing to cross the river is worth it even if they are bruised, bleeding and limping.
Not everyone will listen to the voice in the head that says “Get up, keep going, you’re fine.”
Not everyone will go after their dreams and that’s ok.
I’m not the mentor for those people, not anymore, and that’s ok.
There are a thousand perfect, amazing mentors out there who will hold their hand and help them keep their balance every step of the way, but it’s not me.
The greatest thing I learnt from my day walking with the wisdom of the earth is who I’ve become and who I’m here to serve… Now.
I’m here for the visionary, change-makers who know that in order to fulfill their life/soul mission they need to align their body, mind and life to their genetic genius so they have the energy, vitality & clarity to actualise their vision.
I have the keys but I won’t open the doors or pave your way that’s your job.
I won’t take responsibility for the upgrade you will go through and I won’t promise it will be easy, comfortable or certain.
You’ll have something very few people have, they keys to your very own sovereign, vibrantly healthy, fully alive and potent Self with the physical, mental and emotional capacity to ground your mission into reality.
Is this you?
Want to play?
Connect with me.
I can’t wait, it’ll be fucking epic!
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